Dear Coleen: My pal was a great support but now she’s ghosting me
I have a friend – who I thought was a very close pal – and we’ve known each other since our kids started nursery on the same day six years ago. I used to cherish this friendship – we were good support for each other, both being young mums, and we used to have such a great laugh together. Our friendship really kept me going when life got hard. During the pandemic, for example, we spoke on FaceTime pretty much every day and often shared a virtual glass of wine when the kids were in bed.
Anyway, now I haven’t seen her for six months and she only lives 10 minutes down the road. I’ve texted and called her a lot, but she ghosts me, never replying to messages or voicemails. Then out of the blue, she’ll call and ask if I’m free to meet her then and there. It’s something I’m never able to do at a moment’s notice, as I have a pre-schooler and a part-time job. But when I suggest another date, she ghosts me again. I’m confused about what’s going on. Should I just forget it and accept she’s moved on and the friendship was good while it lasted?
I reached the conclusion that a close friend from home had moved on after being ghosted by her for months. It’s so confusing to start with because I went from seeing this person daily to never seeing her at all. It plagued me for months until I got to a point where I accepted we weren’t on the same path any more. So, this could be the situation with your friend. Maybe her life is going through some changes or she’s incredibly busy and struggling to keep up. Unfortunately, only she knows.
Getting in touch out of the blue after not responding to your messages could be down to a different communication style or perhaps a sudden pang of guilt because she hasn’t been in touch for so long. Either way, I’m sure it feels like you’re an afterthought or it’s a box-ticking exercise for her. And, of course, a friendship requires both of you to invest in it. It might be worth sending her one more text saying you hope she’s OK, as you haven’t heard from her. And tell her that you’re around if she ever needs a friend – and then leave it.
There’s no denying it really hurts when friends “break up” – it can feel like the end of a romantic relationship and leave you feeling just as lost and upset. Hopefully, though, you have other friends who are still very much present in your life.
Insights and Summary:
The pain of feeling ghosted by a close friend can be devastating and confusing. In such situations, it’s essential to communicate openly with the friend in question and also recognise the need to move on if the friendship is no longer mutually fulfilling. It’s crucial to remember that investing in friendships goes both ways, and it’s okay to prioritize relationships that are supportive and nurturing.